life is beautiful

sometimes i feel like im moving backward. i dont really know why or how to explain it, but it feels like there's a lot of undoing in my life... a lot of things becoming untangled that've been that way for a long, long time. i feel more at ease with everything. nothing has gotten easier, really. i still have heavy things on my mind a lot of the time. i mean, none of the problems have gone away, if anything i'm gaining more every day, but i feel more than good about everything. i feel so much like God loves me these days. i prayed last week when i was feeling a little down that i would know undeniably that God loves me. i know it's silly to doubt that, but sometimes you just want to hear it... sometimes it's nice to just hear someone say it for no reason. i feel that way now. i feel cared for, protected, and loved. it's so nice. i feel at peace with the world, with God, and with myself. that if i died, i would be at peace with my life. it's so strange... my life is so unfinished, but i dont think finishing is the point in being alive anyway.

im tired so im not going to say much on these two things, but on monday jake and i climbed cedar mountain and we ended up bloody and beaten up, and then yesterday some of us ventured up to manchester, tennessee to see alli rogers, sandra macracken, and derek webb play. all good highlights of the week. also! our family got a new dig. camera so im going to start taking stupid and probably pointless pictures all the time and perhaps putting a few on here every now and then.

i think i believe my life is more beautiful every single day. from eating with my family to driving with the windows down. it all feels somehow... perfect... every moment a little bit richer than the last. every day a bit brighter. i cant explain it, but i know im truly living a wonderful life, and if im the only one who believes it then im the only one who believes it, but i wouldnt trade a single moment for a year in anyone else's skin. not ever. i feel like im standing on top of something huge. something i cant see but its right under my nose.