Thursday, September 13, 2007
i live my life in a minor key. on the down beat. somewhere in the notes that are too high or too low for me to sing. i'm not always happy or in a good mood. i like slow songs better than upbeat ones. i prefer movies that make me sad over movies that will make me laugh. why? i dont know. there is a great darkness in the world. maybe i just like looking at it. maybe, to me, averting my eyes is the same as giving up. there are greater achievements than being satisfied and happy all the time. i want those. the world is more colorful than being only happy and sad anyway. "i dont want medication. give me liberation. even if it cuts my legs right out from underneath." give me the dirt-in-my-eyes religion. give me faith that leaves me in a hole. make me climb out again and again. i want to get it more and more every day. to learn the depths of what i think i know. and to wander into the places i dont know at all. i want to feel it, whatever "it" is, travel further and further into it, get lost in it, become alive in it. may i never be afraid of suffering.
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2 comments:
everything is not just black or white. there's a grayness in everything and i'm glad you see it too. i really do think that you will do great things with your life stephanie. don't ever give up on yourself.
"I've always found that writing comes from a great inner pain. Maybe it's a pain that comes from a realization that one must do something for one's fellow man - to help somehow to ease his suffering. Maybe it's a personal pain. At any rate, I don't believe good work is possible without it."
-from the cohen brother's film: barton fink.
i don't think there will be a time when pain and it's necessity will not remind me of you. even if you don't necessarily feel the same way about it as you did when we first met.
maybe not quite on subject, but it's what i thought of when i read the post.
p.s. i think inner pain has a catalytic effect on more than writing. it facilitates the creation of any form of art. a lot of beauty comes from inner pain.
and i still feel out of subject.
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